"Whispering rainbows through the air, they fill my soul with what should be there.
The irridecent reflectives manifesting right before my eyes, becoming one with each cell, spreading truth where there were once lies.
With each fusion of cell and light, the colors within now shining so bright, a new me emerges....transformed
A new perception of what is seen through the eyes, precious gems they are now, knowing like a crystal orb what lies beneathe, no longer following what is merely seen, the gems the eyes going deep within spreading light to the new beliefs
As each and every part is stripped and transformed there is now a new me being born, mind body and soul now merged as one, I am full of unconditional love, I have been lifted above all negative woahs of the world, those whispering rainbows that filled my soul now sing and shout for I am now whole"
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
IN LIGHTER NEWS I DIDNT HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TODAY!
Welp today is June 1st....worked two jobs today, haven't done that in a while and probably won't again after the next two weeks!
My planned qwescapade to get phillycheesesteak and cupcakes was ruined by none other than.......Mother Nature!! dun! dun! dun! my period came, menstration, aunt flo, TOM, rebooting the ol ovarian operating system to be straight foward wit cha! BUT I didn't have to go to the hospital today because of it, which is an accomplishment in itself!! *pats self on back* *does running man* I'm crossing my fingers and toesies that this trend continues....cause I really hate having to go there! *shivers*
So my choices are:::
I can ride this out and deal with hospital fees until I have children and hope that the cyst that I am carrying on my ovary goes away, because theres no guarentee that it will, but thats what may happen, or......
I can get surgery to get it removed, and risk not being able to have children in the future...
I haven't made that choice yet!! Thoughts??
My planned qwescapade to get phillycheesesteak and cupcakes was ruined by none other than.......Mother Nature!! dun! dun! dun! my period came, menstration, aunt flo, TOM, rebooting the ol ovarian operating system to be straight foward wit cha! BUT I didn't have to go to the hospital today because of it, which is an accomplishment in itself!! *pats self on back* *does running man* I'm crossing my fingers and toesies that this trend continues....cause I really hate having to go there! *shivers*
So my choices are:::
I can ride this out and deal with hospital fees until I have children and hope that the cyst that I am carrying on my ovary goes away, because theres no guarentee that it will, but thats what may happen, or......
I can get surgery to get it removed, and risk not being able to have children in the future...
I haven't made that choice yet!! Thoughts??
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Burned Bridges
A bridge spanning throughout space, creating a connection between two entities, providing passage into the soul of another. Making transitions from one point in time to another easier to bear, enabling an intermediate route into the heart. This bridge was one that we had. The bridge made of the most sagacious bond, constructed with the finest steel gathered from the heart, strong enough to hold a million men, or just us two, with hearts so heavy and full of love we could never lose.
But throughout the years that bridge, our bridge began to transform, no longer was it strong, no longer tenacious and tough, it was flimsy and rough, and could no longer hold, one side of the love was lost so now the strength was gone, but I kept holding on, I kept going back to the bolts and screws and made sure they fit tight, but I could only go so far, for there was no one helping me on the other side.
In the blink of an eye and with one wrong move the bridge was now wood, easily damaged, impaired, blemished and glitched, caving in from where we stand, but the work I put in when we had the steel is keeping this bridge together with wood, as time goes by pieces start to fall the bridge has holes and cracks and you keep stepping on them making them worse, as I move across the bridge trying to replace and repair, you look at all the damage as if you don’t even care, this bridge between us is the only thing we've got, keeping us able to travel back and forth and whatnot, but now this bridge is old and rotted wood at the point of decomposition and decay now as we stare at each other from opposite sides of this bridge you have taken a match, this match is lit, and now it drops, I try to run and catch it, blow it out before it lands, but I'm too late the bridge is burned, and I'm all wet.
As I crawl up from the water rage in my eyes causing them to cry, where my heart was once filled with love I want to fill it with hate, my mind, body and soul say it’s too late, we're on opposite sides I can no longer see your point of view so now I turn and walk away, all the good times reminisced can no longer be thought of as that, there's no ever going back, for you have burned this bridge, and you will live to regret that.
But throughout the years that bridge, our bridge began to transform, no longer was it strong, no longer tenacious and tough, it was flimsy and rough, and could no longer hold, one side of the love was lost so now the strength was gone, but I kept holding on, I kept going back to the bolts and screws and made sure they fit tight, but I could only go so far, for there was no one helping me on the other side.
In the blink of an eye and with one wrong move the bridge was now wood, easily damaged, impaired, blemished and glitched, caving in from where we stand, but the work I put in when we had the steel is keeping this bridge together with wood, as time goes by pieces start to fall the bridge has holes and cracks and you keep stepping on them making them worse, as I move across the bridge trying to replace and repair, you look at all the damage as if you don’t even care, this bridge between us is the only thing we've got, keeping us able to travel back and forth and whatnot, but now this bridge is old and rotted wood at the point of decomposition and decay now as we stare at each other from opposite sides of this bridge you have taken a match, this match is lit, and now it drops, I try to run and catch it, blow it out before it lands, but I'm too late the bridge is burned, and I'm all wet.
As I crawl up from the water rage in my eyes causing them to cry, where my heart was once filled with love I want to fill it with hate, my mind, body and soul say it’s too late, we're on opposite sides I can no longer see your point of view so now I turn and walk away, all the good times reminisced can no longer be thought of as that, there's no ever going back, for you have burned this bridge, and you will live to regret that.
Monday, March 1, 2010
electronic detox
woah! its been a min since I posted...
well I do work 2 almost 3 jobs and go to school, so I dont have time to do alot of things I'd like to...
I've really been goin through it though!! but through it all I've been tryin my hardest to stay positive...tryin bein the operative word lmao
welp I just decided to post now because its the beginning of the 3rd month of this year, I feel like this year is going by too fast! and I'm really overwhelmed with everything going on. so from today March 1st-March 7th I'm going through an electronic detox, which means for me that there will be NO TWITTER, NO FACEBOOK, NO BLOG, NO YOUTUBE, NO TEXTS/CALLS unless absolutely neccessary ETC. and I'll use the internet for informational purposes only.
In this time I will be doing some what I like to call SOUL SOOTHING!!
I'll have a new poem for yall when I get back...
until then
PEACE, LOVE and CUPCAKES!!!
well I do work 2 almost 3 jobs and go to school, so I dont have time to do alot of things I'd like to...
I've really been goin through it though!! but through it all I've been tryin my hardest to stay positive...tryin bein the operative word lmao
welp I just decided to post now because its the beginning of the 3rd month of this year, I feel like this year is going by too fast! and I'm really overwhelmed with everything going on. so from today March 1st-March 7th I'm going through an electronic detox, which means for me that there will be NO TWITTER, NO FACEBOOK, NO BLOG, NO YOUTUBE, NO TEXTS/CALLS unless absolutely neccessary ETC. and I'll use the internet for informational purposes only.
In this time I will be doing some what I like to call SOUL SOOTHING!!
I'll have a new poem for yall when I get back...
until then
PEACE, LOVE and CUPCAKES!!!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Who said?
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
but she couldn't help the chills down the spine of her back
the heavy breathing, heart beating, legs tingling
to simply sit and wait for it to come to her was a lost cause
In her mind it was hers to take, no guilt no shame
none of those silly love games
she wasnt playing with a marionette doll this time
no strings attatched, no feelings, no connections was just fine
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
She treated the man like all those facts, as she threw him in the sack
and he better not care if he got scratches in his back
she cared nothing about his wants, needs desires
to her he was just a pawn in her game of chess
there were more like him, he was easily replaced
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
but all this time she was set to prove no one and everyone wrong
she got what she wanted over and over again
but throught she began
to see that what she really wanted was something true with 'he'
and all these men had ultimatley failed to 'be'
they had gave her what she thought she wanted, but in the end
she was simply sacked
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
no one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
but she couldn't help the chills down the spine of her back
the heavy breathing, heart beating, legs tingling
to simply sit and wait for it to come to her was a lost cause
In her mind it was hers to take, no guilt no shame
none of those silly love games
she wasnt playing with a marionette doll this time
no strings attatched, no feelings, no connections was just fine
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
She treated the man like all those facts, as she threw him in the sack
and he better not care if he got scratches in his back
she cared nothing about his wants, needs desires
to her he was just a pawn in her game of chess
there were more like him, he was easily replaced
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
No one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
but all this time she was set to prove no one and everyone wrong
she got what she wanted over and over again
but throught she began
to see that what she really wanted was something true with 'he'
and all these men had ultimatley failed to 'be'
they had gave her what she thought she wanted, but in the end
she was simply sacked
Who said she couldn't get what she wanted?
no one and everyone, it was an implied fact...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Poetry of Mine
ENTRAPTURE
I feel the pain, hot as a blue star ready to die, I may think its not there but it makes its way back to the surface each and every time. I can't deny that its affecting me like a virus airborne within my bubble. I can't leave my bubble so I'm destined to dine with this thorny vine sticking me every time but smart enough not to stick my bubble leaving me blind. Not seeing my reality so I'm forced to play, I imagine its not here day to day trying to force the pain away. Wandering this life confused as to which way to go never doing me just going along with the flow. I say I'm doing me but the thoughts of he and she effect the way I be, not speaking right english cause I made up my own kids out here saying I can't wait til I'm grown, its not all its cracked up to be take it from me I'm not handling it well please someone ring the bell and wake me up from this dream where I'm stuck in my bubble attacked day by day by the virus called pain y can't I just be happy that's all I want in life I can cut the tension with a knife, the bubble and virus collaborating to keep me wifed. I think about it each and every day. Why doesn't anyone ever stay. Its too crowded in here they say as they walk away maybe if I stand close enough I too can escape...this entrapture.
DONE
She called again because she didn't want it to end on her knees that she needed to bend, she stopped wait what's wrong with me she said, I'm on ma knees pleaded baby please won't u listen and see. With tears in her eyes thinkin nigga I don't never cry she finally realizes, she blamed herself for so long but now he's long gone, not worthy of her desire, loyalty and fire, the passion she's possesses will soon be appreciated by one of the best, she no longer stands alone waitin desperately by the phone, only to get a dial tone. A supposed man there ready to hide, yet plotting his way inside, she gave her all to him not jim tim and them, but his insecurities make him thinks she lies. The word love used so nonchalant as if it were only used to taunt. She balls her eyes out for him and he could care less, now she's back to her normal self, filled with confidence and finesse, there's someone out there for u he would say as he backed away, a coward move if there ever was one, but the wonderful thing is she now knows she is finally done!
I HEAR THE MUSIC
I hear the music, but that's not all
a whole language transformed,
the words are fuck a pussy, suck a dick, smack that, it makes u wonder is that what it really means to be black, is that why the brothers get at me the way they do on the street, because of the fancy big money words they heard over a funky fresh beat.
I hear the music, the essence of love romance and passion, replaced with lust, and nights of "ass tappin".
I hear the music, real lyricism not a qualification anymore, if u can't sell to the masses then yo ass is kicked out the door
I hear the music hip hop culture being turned one 180 degrees, its all about excess and greed, instead of intelligence or speed, half our rappers have no flow off the dome, havin others write and they think its their own
I hear the music its a shame when any and everybody can rap over a beat and the one that's not a rapper gets the most on their feet
I hear the music, r and b no longer full of soul, but corrupt with those who haven't a passion to effect the masses with the very first note of a song, oh its been a long time comin the days of blues, and jazz, motown atlantic and staxx, late 70s and 80s expanded a culture only to see it now disbanded with a diminishing future
OPEN
As I was walking home from school last night I cried
Where the tears came from I could not hide
They emerged from deep down inside
Hidden they were, pushed away never to be found
Talking to myself as I normally do, I said sumthing funny and began to laugh, as I tilted my head back to let out a great chuckle, the laughter did not submerge,
like as it flowed through my body ready to escape, the tears caught it on its way and said no its my turn, you've had enough shine, and in an effort to laugh it turned into a cry, buy why?
Is the question I played over in my head, I'm out of class early, headed home to my warm bed.
I can't remember the last time I cried
which is why from deep down inside
I could no longer live a lie,
laughter covering up the pain, but was it all in vain, did the tears get stronger,
and now the laughter can no longer,
keep them closed, pushed, submerged deep below the surface, are they at last ....open
PROUD
Feelings of inadequacy cover me from head to toe, trying to be the best at everything I do, and if I'm not it makes me feel as though...can't really say it because you won't understand.
All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, not of who you thought and wished I could be, but just simple ol Britne. All these years I did it all for you, longing and searching for that knowing, desperately hoping it was true.
You make me feel as if I've let you down, yet you've wondered why I always frowned. Issues I had I couldn't disclose, it took so much to let go of the hold, only to find out that my thinking was right...you wouldn't understand and once again...the feelings of inadequacy arose
You've made me the way I am today, with the feelings that I have to stay, stay at least until that void is filled, filled with tha knowing that I've made you proud of me in every way, until then I will stay, and try to figure out the way.
My victory won't be achieved, until I believe, by hearing you say, on that one special day...I'm proud of you in whatever you do, my goals in life have never been to benefit me, and its hard for you to see all the feelings of inadequacy you've put on me.
Everything I do father, I do for you, not caring about anyone in the worlds crowd, my only thought is to make you proud.
SHE HOLDS
She held everything in because if she let it go then she felt she would end, always having to be the positive light to this friend and that friend and his friend but never being her own friend, never saying its ok to cry because he said goodbye, there's no use ly-ing to urself or anyone else, back to reality and out of the dream world where everything’s just peachy keen. And the real her never being seen. She holds everything in never letting anyone kno wandering life pretty monotone, telling everyone everyday, don't worry its going to be ok but in her. Heart she doesn't believe that, it sounds like the best thing to say so she'll just leave it at that. She held everything in problems from the north south east and west, because in her mind she knew this was best, she held everything in til one day she burst, she now had a gut wrenching thirst, for someone to say its going to be ok, but deep down knowing that sugar coated truth would soon fade away.
BLACK BEAUTY
He said I was his Black Beauty, and
giving all his mind, body, and soul to me was his duty
so I let him slide his hand along my...
Not thinking rationally about the situation
mind lost in the moment of infatuation,
he said he'd found the gemstone amongst
the millions of fakes, and that was rare
So I let him go in...
He said I was his Black Beauty
spent thousands buying me gucci,
said he couldn't bare to be apart from my lips
so luscious and juicy
He said I was his queen and he would go
to the moon and beyond, nothing
could break our bond, so we passed
on using a con...
He said I was his Black Beauty
then one day I got a little moody
no longer was I his little cutie
gone were the days of passion and love
all that was left was the pile of unused gloves
Sitting alone no more loving words
thinking I was just another one of the herd
He called me his Black Beauty
and I believed it was his duty..
so I gave up the...
now he's long gone, and I was just another pawn
He called HER his Black Beauty...
I feel the pain, hot as a blue star ready to die, I may think its not there but it makes its way back to the surface each and every time. I can't deny that its affecting me like a virus airborne within my bubble. I can't leave my bubble so I'm destined to dine with this thorny vine sticking me every time but smart enough not to stick my bubble leaving me blind. Not seeing my reality so I'm forced to play, I imagine its not here day to day trying to force the pain away. Wandering this life confused as to which way to go never doing me just going along with the flow. I say I'm doing me but the thoughts of he and she effect the way I be, not speaking right english cause I made up my own kids out here saying I can't wait til I'm grown, its not all its cracked up to be take it from me I'm not handling it well please someone ring the bell and wake me up from this dream where I'm stuck in my bubble attacked day by day by the virus called pain y can't I just be happy that's all I want in life I can cut the tension with a knife, the bubble and virus collaborating to keep me wifed. I think about it each and every day. Why doesn't anyone ever stay. Its too crowded in here they say as they walk away maybe if I stand close enough I too can escape...this entrapture.
DONE
She called again because she didn't want it to end on her knees that she needed to bend, she stopped wait what's wrong with me she said, I'm on ma knees pleaded baby please won't u listen and see. With tears in her eyes thinkin nigga I don't never cry she finally realizes, she blamed herself for so long but now he's long gone, not worthy of her desire, loyalty and fire, the passion she's possesses will soon be appreciated by one of the best, she no longer stands alone waitin desperately by the phone, only to get a dial tone. A supposed man there ready to hide, yet plotting his way inside, she gave her all to him not jim tim and them, but his insecurities make him thinks she lies. The word love used so nonchalant as if it were only used to taunt. She balls her eyes out for him and he could care less, now she's back to her normal self, filled with confidence and finesse, there's someone out there for u he would say as he backed away, a coward move if there ever was one, but the wonderful thing is she now knows she is finally done!
I HEAR THE MUSIC
I hear the music, but that's not all
a whole language transformed,
the words are fuck a pussy, suck a dick, smack that, it makes u wonder is that what it really means to be black, is that why the brothers get at me the way they do on the street, because of the fancy big money words they heard over a funky fresh beat.
I hear the music, the essence of love romance and passion, replaced with lust, and nights of "ass tappin".
I hear the music, real lyricism not a qualification anymore, if u can't sell to the masses then yo ass is kicked out the door
I hear the music hip hop culture being turned one 180 degrees, its all about excess and greed, instead of intelligence or speed, half our rappers have no flow off the dome, havin others write and they think its their own
I hear the music its a shame when any and everybody can rap over a beat and the one that's not a rapper gets the most on their feet
I hear the music, r and b no longer full of soul, but corrupt with those who haven't a passion to effect the masses with the very first note of a song, oh its been a long time comin the days of blues, and jazz, motown atlantic and staxx, late 70s and 80s expanded a culture only to see it now disbanded with a diminishing future
OPEN
As I was walking home from school last night I cried
Where the tears came from I could not hide
They emerged from deep down inside
Hidden they were, pushed away never to be found
Talking to myself as I normally do, I said sumthing funny and began to laugh, as I tilted my head back to let out a great chuckle, the laughter did not submerge,
like as it flowed through my body ready to escape, the tears caught it on its way and said no its my turn, you've had enough shine, and in an effort to laugh it turned into a cry, buy why?
Is the question I played over in my head, I'm out of class early, headed home to my warm bed.
I can't remember the last time I cried
which is why from deep down inside
I could no longer live a lie,
laughter covering up the pain, but was it all in vain, did the tears get stronger,
and now the laughter can no longer,
keep them closed, pushed, submerged deep below the surface, are they at last ....open
PROUD
Feelings of inadequacy cover me from head to toe, trying to be the best at everything I do, and if I'm not it makes me feel as though...can't really say it because you won't understand.
All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, not of who you thought and wished I could be, but just simple ol Britne. All these years I did it all for you, longing and searching for that knowing, desperately hoping it was true.
You make me feel as if I've let you down, yet you've wondered why I always frowned. Issues I had I couldn't disclose, it took so much to let go of the hold, only to find out that my thinking was right...you wouldn't understand and once again...the feelings of inadequacy arose
You've made me the way I am today, with the feelings that I have to stay, stay at least until that void is filled, filled with tha knowing that I've made you proud of me in every way, until then I will stay, and try to figure out the way.
My victory won't be achieved, until I believe, by hearing you say, on that one special day...I'm proud of you in whatever you do, my goals in life have never been to benefit me, and its hard for you to see all the feelings of inadequacy you've put on me.
Everything I do father, I do for you, not caring about anyone in the worlds crowd, my only thought is to make you proud.
SHE HOLDS
She held everything in because if she let it go then she felt she would end, always having to be the positive light to this friend and that friend and his friend but never being her own friend, never saying its ok to cry because he said goodbye, there's no use ly-ing to urself or anyone else, back to reality and out of the dream world where everything’s just peachy keen. And the real her never being seen. She holds everything in never letting anyone kno wandering life pretty monotone, telling everyone everyday, don't worry its going to be ok but in her. Heart she doesn't believe that, it sounds like the best thing to say so she'll just leave it at that. She held everything in problems from the north south east and west, because in her mind she knew this was best, she held everything in til one day she burst, she now had a gut wrenching thirst, for someone to say its going to be ok, but deep down knowing that sugar coated truth would soon fade away.
BLACK BEAUTY
He said I was his Black Beauty, and
giving all his mind, body, and soul to me was his duty
so I let him slide his hand along my...
Not thinking rationally about the situation
mind lost in the moment of infatuation,
he said he'd found the gemstone amongst
the millions of fakes, and that was rare
So I let him go in...
He said I was his Black Beauty
spent thousands buying me gucci,
said he couldn't bare to be apart from my lips
so luscious and juicy
He said I was his queen and he would go
to the moon and beyond, nothing
could break our bond, so we passed
on using a con...
He said I was his Black Beauty
then one day I got a little moody
no longer was I his little cutie
gone were the days of passion and love
all that was left was the pile of unused gloves
Sitting alone no more loving words
thinking I was just another one of the herd
He called me his Black Beauty
and I believed it was his duty..
so I gave up the...
now he's long gone, and I was just another pawn
He called HER his Black Beauty...
Friday, January 8, 2010
Perfection
and if in the end its too late and I waited too long, I will have missed out on the closet thing to perfection/
because only you and I share that everlasting extraoridinary connection/
bringing light into my life like the brightest star in the sky/
never ever will it die/
wishing only to lie....in you arms for the rest of my life
bringing a smile to my face with each sight of you/
bigger than the happiest clown, never ever will i frown/
you are the glue to my shattered heart, and I long for you when we're apart
you are my first, my last, and my everything/
cant stop thinking about the day I get that ring/
wishing I can take you, fold you real nice and hold you in my back pocket/
each day bringing you closer and closer to my heart because you are the only one with the key to unlock it
can i have you? can I have you forever? this love will never teather, you make my body feel light as a feather/
dont give up on me just yet, i promise you wont regret taking this bet/
but if you cant wait for me I understand and once again/
I say if I may, you are the closest thing to perfection, and will forever have all my love and affection
because only you and I share that everlasting extraoridinary connection/
bringing light into my life like the brightest star in the sky/
never ever will it die/
wishing only to lie....in you arms for the rest of my life
bringing a smile to my face with each sight of you/
bigger than the happiest clown, never ever will i frown/
you are the glue to my shattered heart, and I long for you when we're apart
you are my first, my last, and my everything/
cant stop thinking about the day I get that ring/
wishing I can take you, fold you real nice and hold you in my back pocket/
each day bringing you closer and closer to my heart because you are the only one with the key to unlock it
can i have you? can I have you forever? this love will never teather, you make my body feel light as a feather/
dont give up on me just yet, i promise you wont regret taking this bet/
but if you cant wait for me I understand and once again/
I say if I may, you are the closest thing to perfection, and will forever have all my love and affection
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
