Poetry of Mine

ENTRAPTURE

I feel the pain, hot as a blue star ready to die, I may think its not there but it makes its way back to the surface each and every time. I can't deny that its affecting me like a virus airborne within my bubble. I can't leave my bubble so I'm destined to dine with this thorny vine sticking me every time but smart enough not to stick my bubble leaving me blind. Not seeing my reality so I'm forced to play, I imagine its not here day to day trying to force the pain away. Wandering this life confused as to which way to go never doing me just going along with the flow. I say I'm doing me but the thoughts of he and she effect the way I be, not speaking right english cause I made up my own kids out here saying I can't wait til I'm grown, its not all its cracked up to be take it from me I'm not handling it well please someone ring the bell and wake me up from this dream where I'm stuck in my bubble attacked day by day by the virus called pain y can't I just be happy that's all I want in life I can cut the tension with a knife, the bubble and virus collaborating to keep me wifed. I think about it each and every day. Why doesn't anyone ever stay. Its too crowded in here they say as they walk away maybe if I stand close enough I too can escape...this entrapture.

DONE

She called again because she didn't want it to end on her knees that she needed to bend, she stopped wait what's wrong with me she said, I'm on ma knees pleaded baby please won't u listen and see. With tears in her eyes thinkin nigga I don't never cry she finally realizes, she blamed herself for so long but now he's long gone, not worthy of her desire, loyalty and fire, the passion she's possesses will soon be appreciated by one of the best, she no longer stands alone waitin desperately by the phone, only to get a dial tone. A supposed man there ready to hide, yet plotting his way inside, she gave her all to him not jim tim and them, but his insecurities make him thinks she lies. The word love used so nonchalant as if it were only used to taunt. She balls her eyes out for him and he could care less, now she's back to her normal self, filled with confidence and finesse, there's someone out there for u he would say as he backed away, a coward move if there ever was one, but the wonderful thing is she now knows she is finally done!


I HEAR THE MUSIC

I hear the music, but that's not all
a whole language transformed,
the words are fuck a pussy, suck a dick, smack that, it makes u wonder is that what it really means to be black, is that why the brothers get at me the way they do on the street, because of the fancy big money words they heard over a funky fresh beat.

I hear the music, the essence of love romance and passion, replaced with lust, and nights of "ass tappin".

I hear the music, real lyricism not a qualification anymore, if u can't sell to the masses then yo ass is kicked out the door

I hear the music hip hop culture being turned one 180 degrees, its all about excess and greed, instead of intelligence or speed, half our rappers have no flow off the dome, havin others write and they think its their own

I hear the music its a shame when any and everybody can rap over a beat and the one that's not a rapper gets the most on their feet

I hear the music, r and b no longer full of soul, but corrupt with those who haven't a passion to effect the masses with the very first note of a song, oh its been a long time comin the days of blues, and jazz, motown atlantic and staxx, late 70s and 80s expanded a culture only to see it now disbanded with a diminishing future

OPEN

As I was walking home from school last night I cried
Where the tears came from I could not hide
They emerged from deep down inside
Hidden they were, pushed away never to be found
Talking to myself as I normally do, I said sumthing funny and began to laugh, as I tilted my head back to let out a great chuckle, the laughter did not submerge,
like as it flowed through my body ready to escape, the tears caught it on its way and said no its my turn, you've had enough shine, and in an effort to laugh it turned into a cry, buy why?
Is the question I played over in my head, I'm out of class early, headed home to my warm bed.
I can't remember the last time I cried
which is why from deep down inside
I could no longer live a lie,
laughter covering up the pain, but was it all in vain, did the tears get stronger,
and now the laughter can no longer,
keep them closed, pushed, submerged deep below the surface, are they at last ....open

PROUD

Feelings of inadequacy cover me from head to toe, trying to be the best at everything I do, and if I'm not it makes me feel as though...can't really say it because you won't understand.

All I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, not of who you thought and wished I could be, but just simple ol Britne. All these years I did it all for you, longing and searching for that knowing, desperately hoping it was true.

You make me feel as if I've let you down, yet you've wondered why I always frowned. Issues I had I couldn't disclose, it took so much to let go of the hold, only to find out that my thinking was right...you wouldn't understand and once again...the feelings of inadequacy arose

You've made me the way I am today, with the feelings that I have to stay, stay at least until that void is filled, filled with tha knowing that I've made you proud of me in every way, until then I will stay, and try to figure out the way.

My victory won't be achieved, until I believe, by hearing you say, on that one special day...I'm proud of you in whatever you do, my goals in life have never been to benefit me, and its hard for you to see all the feelings of inadequacy you've put on me.

Everything I do father, I do for you, not caring about anyone in the worlds crowd, my only thought is to make you proud.

SHE HOLDS

She held everything in because if she let it go then she felt she would end, always having to be the positive light to this friend and that friend and his friend but never being her own friend, never saying its ok to cry because he said goodbye, there's no use ly-ing to urself or anyone else, back to reality and out of the dream world where everything’s just peachy keen. And the real her never being seen. She holds everything in never letting anyone kno wandering life pretty monotone, telling everyone everyday, don't worry its going to be ok but in her. Heart she doesn't believe that, it sounds like the best thing to say so she'll just leave it at that. She held everything in problems from the north south east and west, because in her mind she knew this was best, she held everything in til one day she burst, she now had a gut wrenching thirst, for someone to say its going to be ok, but deep down knowing that sugar coated truth would soon fade away.

BLACK BEAUTY

He said I was his Black Beauty, and
giving all his mind, body, and soul to me was his duty
so I let him slide his hand along my...
Not thinking rationally about the situation
mind lost in the moment of infatuation,
he said he'd found the gemstone amongst
the millions of fakes, and that was rare
So I let him go in...

He said I was his Black Beauty
spent thousands buying me gucci,
said he couldn't bare to be apart from my lips
so luscious and juicy
He said I was his queen and he would go
to the moon and beyond, nothing
could break our bond, so we passed
on using a con...

He said I was his Black Beauty
then one day I got a little moody
no longer was I his little cutie
gone were the days of passion and love
all that was left was the pile of unused gloves
Sitting alone no more loving words
thinking I was just another one of the herd

He called me his Black Beauty
and I believed it was his duty..
so I gave up the...
now he's long gone, and I was just another pawn

He called HER his Black Beauty...